Word for word…
BLOKE 1. Mate, the watermelon must have been sitting out for ages…there’s rat shit on it.

BLOKE 2. (Looking intently at the watermelon)…Awe fuck you’re a dickhead…..it’s the watermelon seeds not rat shit.

BLOKE 1. Bullshit…watermelon doesn’t have seeds at home mate but….Its gotta be a different fruit then…

BLOKE 2. Can’t believe your mother let ya live….you’re  an idiot…..

A whole generation is growing up without watermelon seeds in Australia….a tragedy it seems

So after the hustle and bustle of Phnom Penh I followed my friend Kim down south to Kampot. This town is on a large river and much of the accommodation can be found with river frontage and private decks to jump in for a swim. I stayed at Olly’s Place about 2km out of town in my own private bamboo bungalow with double bed, mosquito net and fan. It was run by a lovely french couple who were super relaxed and played cool french lounge tunes and seemed to be smoking joints all day. The food here was fantastic and bungalows cost $6USD a night. I hadn’t planned on coming here at all but stayed for three nights and spent two days reading a book in a hammock. I only broke this routine to have a swim and wander into town for food and a sunset cruise.

There were two amazing restaurants I ate at. One only served 4 different dishes of which I chose the dumplings – 12 for $2…DELICIOUS! The following night, after a two hour cruise to the see the sunset and fireflies….we ate Rusty’s keyhole. This place purported to have the best ribs in Cambodia…and they were not wrong. My mate Billy Clohessy makes the meanest pork ribs I’ve had the fortune to eat…but I’m afraid Rusty just pipped him.  Kim and I shared a kilo worth, dripping in some insane special sauce all for the princely sum of $4USD….yep….4 bux….needless to say I was super content after that.

Kampot is a perfect antidote to Phnom Penh. There is so much to see and do around Kampot, such as the salt lakes, kampot’s famous pepper farms, Bokor mountain and a short trip gets you to Kep for the crab markets. I didn’t partake in any of this, as nothing beats a gew days in a hammock before a 13 hr border crossing and bus trip to Ho Chi Minh City.

• currency is in $US or cambodian riel and you can pay in both…..4000 riel = $1 US so you can truly feel like a millionaire. There are no coins but notes that seem to equal 2.5 cents or 12.5 cents but this can change depending on how the price of things is rounded up or down.

• never accept a ride to an orphanage because more often than not they are not genuine orphanages, but places that take advantage of poor parents and their children…think child safe and friends international are two organisations that keep an eye on this.

• going for a walk around Phnom Penh is almost impossible without being harassed by tuk tuk drivers. It is not normal to walk anywhere…everyone drives something

–  fast buses do what the packet says…..they speed, often on roads that would ordinarily take out the bottom of the vehicle, but they can dodge a motorcycle rider on side a truck coming in the opposite direction, and not crush a family piled into a tuk tuk at phenomenal speed….all while a range rover squeezes through the middle. Insane and amazing…..

• the poverty in some areas is heartbreaking and indescribable…..but also some of the happiest people too. Under no circumstances should people in western nations complain about anything…they should come and see how other people live.

• family and community is very important and it is so lovely to see families all eating and cooking together in remote and city areas…often with no running water or electricity…or one main light….definitely no flat screen TV or iPad! ( My cambodian friend did say that sometimes the family can interfere a little too much when grandparents tell you when to get married, who to, and what children you should have and when to have them!!!!)

• some people in hostels should be shot….I’ve heard some horror stories recently, generally including drunk backpackers, throwing up, being completely disrespectful to other back packers or the country they happen to be in. A particular favourite was hearing a young 18 yr old signed his name TONY 2015 on the wall at Angkor Wat! F***kit. …..

• most of the money earned from tourists in Siem Reap leaves Cambodia and the money generated from entrance fee etc to Angkor Wat goes to the Vietnamese who owned the governing company. It is the hideous downfall of tourism in this country.

• the outlaw australian motor cycle club The Rebels have chapters in Cambodia, Thailand and Malaysia..more than likely running drugs casinos and prostitution here. …..the usual…you can spot a Harley a mile away in the middle of a sea of motos!

From the lovely peaceful town of Battambang I cruised down to Phnom Penh, in the fast VIP minivan. Fast was an understatement….it was bone shattering, and a little 2 yr old boy threw up next to me in the very crowded bus. Recommended maximum persons in the vehicle is well and truly ignored. Having said that it could have been worse. Two dutch girls I met a few days later said they had 29 people in a 20 person van, with passengers basically strapped onto the back of the van…backpacks included! It was fun though but I think that is more because I arrived alive rather than actual trip itself!

Phnom Penh is big compared to where I had been, but obviously no where as near as big as Vietnamese cities. Still it is a good starting point to learning the  ropes of crossing the road in crazy traffic. PP has some great architecture and the central market is well worth the visit just to see the building. It is big, but basically everything  is same same but different….lots of North Face gear and every other knock off you can think of. The weather has stopped me from doing more wandering around the city….up around 40 degrees…but even if it was pleasant weather Cambodians don’t seem to like people walking anywhere. The only way to move is either by tuk tuk or on motorbike, and it is quite overwhelming having to say No f**kn tuk tuk all the time…..that said a Dutch girl Kim and I spent a few days navigating the city and it’s sights.

We decided to do the killing fields and the S21 prison from the days of the Khmer Rouge. We got a tuk tuk for the day for $15USD. There is no pleasant or even sane way to explain the atrocities that happened in this country, and anyone who been to any remnants of war camps in europe or even here will understand what I mean. It is heart breaking, and fkn outrageous. The thing that struck me about all of this insanity was it happened relatively recently. Many of us were around or being born during this time…this isn’t a distant piece of history like the Holocaust may seem…..this happened from 1975-9….Pol Pot lived without any criminal repercussions until 1998……On top of that, bones and fabric from the bodies in the killing fields are still coming to the surface and you are warned to not step on bones….if you aren’t moved by this history I think there is something wrong. Of course, there is always the tourists who cannot seem to grasp the brevity of the place and ignore the signs asking for no smoking or no photographs or no smiling in photos in front of Graves etc etc etc. The area itself is quite peaceful as you are given an audio guide with headphones as part of the $6 USD admission fee, so at least 99% of people are quiet. Keeping on the emotional roller coaster we went to the S21 prison…which was a former school that was transformed into a torturous prison for ex soldiers and intellectuals among others. Nothing can quite describe the horrendous photographic and written exhibitions in this museum. But it is not new and would definitely still be happening today in the many conflicts around the world.

It may seem like I am painting a horrible picture but these places are well worth a visit and then you can truly appreciate how lovely the Cambodian people are, and embrace their huge smiles and welcoming nature. It truly is a fantastic place. I am lucky enough to know a couple of people in PP… Dr Sothy Khieng who works for an independent policy think tank (we shared an office during our PhDs), and Scott  Howes who is the managing photo editor for the Phnom Penh Post…..they both gave me excellent perspectives on the country, and answered all my trivial questions over food one night and beer the next!

I had planned on going straight to Ho Chi Minh from PP…..but plans change when you have no plans and just a back pack….so I’m off down south to Kampot.